Music for the Month of March

Top 10 For the Month of March

  1. Bottom Of The River by Delta Rae
  2. FourFiveSeconds by Rihanna, Kanye and Paul McCartney
  3. Alone by Trampled by Turtles
  4. Opening by Phillip Glass
  5. Only Love Can Hurt Like This by Paloma Faith
  6. Le Onde by Ludovico Einaudi
  7. Forces of Attraction by Johann Johannsson
  8. O Magnum Mysterium by Morten Lauridsen
  9. We Will All Be Changed by Seryn
  10. Gold Dust by Galentis

I probably get at least four hours of sleep a night now. I can say that I’m out of my writing funk and I think it has to do with my lack of sleep, slowly leaving my job (the one where with my shitty boss) and spending more time with friends. And ok, I’ve been myself off much more this month too…

It’s not like January and February were a complete shit show. I did work my ass off editing a few poems and two of those poems just got accepted. It was another reminder to myself that working through the shitty months pay off. No matter my mood, my attitude I always find the time to write and edit. It’s important to me and I love working on my craft. Actually, I’m a none stop thinker about my writing and I tend to be that kind of personality: A none stop worker when I find something I really love. I was like that in speech and debate and now that’s crossed over into my poetry. Constantly thinking, talking and working.

My best friend is on the night shift, which means I now have a new late night hanging out buddy! Late night movie theater shows, the local coffee house that’s open until 3AM and lots of Netflix. We are also compiling a list of things to do late at night. Which involve, night swimming, open mics, crazy bars, improve shows, etc.

Plus I’m working on my Personal Statement and my friend has taken up cross-stitching, as we talk about are ever impending doom: her likelihood of getting Alzheimer’s and the fact I’m losing my eyesight. We spend numerous nights plotting out a mutual friendship were I’m the memory and she’ll be the eyes someday. Kind of like in the wild with that fish and crab.

I will say I’m my best self on only a few hours of sleep. I do take a few naps from time to time to add a few hours here and there. But one day I only had three hours of sleep and I wrote out a full draft of my personal statement. FINALLY! It only took the lack of sleep to finally pump that draft out. Still needs tweaks before I ask for help because I would like to keep the embarrassment level to a minimum.

But now, it’s time to go sleep for a little bit.

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Confessions Between Ladies

I went out for dinner and drinks Wednesday night with my best friend. A much-needed catch-up time since she’s been busy dealing buying a townhouse with her finace and I’ve been a crying, messy poetry hermit.

I’m not sure how we ended up on the subject (perhaps the maragtrias) but we ended up talking about all the things women do, but we never really admit to. It just so happens that hours after hanging out I saw a list of things women do but don’t talk about.

Now I somewhat agree to this list and I think depending on one’s own pet peeves and personal preferences some of these are either, “oh, yeah, I do that all the time” or “omg, gross no…I have limits.” For example, the article had, “turning underwear inside out because you ran out of clean ones.” No, have you been a woman? That fabric is all up in there, turning it inside out will do nothing for you. I say, “no clean underwear? Well, the perfect reason to go commando.

A list of things my friend and I admit to doing:

  1. Wearing the a pair of jeans three times before you wash them. (If they don’t smell, why wash them?)
  2. Febreze-ing or spraying perfume on your jeans (Just in case they smell a little…you never know)
  3. Spilling salsa or guacamole on your shirt and removing it with a tortilla chip (this is me…all the time.)
  4. A bowl of cheese or a stick of cheese. My friend and I did this all the time in the Midwest. I even bought a separte brick of cheese, that was only for me. I called it, “my snack cheese.”
  5. The boob hold. I am the queen of the boob hold that one time I accidently start just holding my boob in front of my guy friend (outside my shirt, of course). But holding your boob is wonderful. It’s great for reading or pondering life in bed.
  6. Not washing bras enough. (I mean have you ever had to?) It sucks.
  7. Yes, Missy Elliot is the music for dancing in your underwear.
  8. No, girls don’t have pillow fights, but I have been apart of a few spin the bottle games.
  9. My friend went to a bachelorette party and saw someone’s underwear gift was little mermaid underwear, so she went out and bought some and she says they are the most comfortable underwear. Actually she was wearing them during our talk.
  10. The quick and silent poop in public. This is a gift I’m sure all women are born with.
  11. Pants day? Long Sleeve day? Probably mean we didn’t shave.
  12. I don’t know if anyone else does this, but since I’m single and not having sex, underwear selection isn’t a big deal. But I know when it’s time to do laundry because I’m stuck wearing all my nice lacy underwear. The last few days have been a blur of lacy reds, purple tied together with lacy ribbons and lacy black thongs. I need to do my laundry.
  13. I do have “period underwear” a select group of underwear that are on their way out of my life but before I throw them away they are go to when I’m bleeding out of my orifice.
  14. One of my old roommates came up to me before we moved out and said the greatest lesson she learned from me was the art of cleaning one’s room before a man came over. She said she’ll always remember what I told her, “hide your pillow pet, because what you’re about to do, no pillow pet should see.”
  15. Women tell each other everything about the guys they’ve been with. Of course depending on the level of friendship certain things may be left out. But believe me, if I have a close friend, they know the good kissers from the sloppy kisser I’ve experienced. They know the embarrassing stories and the bad sex.

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Valentines Day

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I don’t like Valentines day, not because I’m single. I also don’t like anti-Valentines day. I think if you go out of your way to celebrate anti-Valentines day then the Valentines day wins. You’re doing everything Valentines day-ey: the wine, chocolate and the horrible film choices. Anti-Valentines day is just with your friends and even if you’re not doing these things (chocolate, wine, sex) and you’re doing stuff like, “eating fried chicken.” Which is sexy and counts as Valentine-ey.

Shit, it’s ironic for me to be bitching about Valentines day. Doesn’t it make you think, well if you’re bitching about how it doesn’t matter, it makes it matter and then you try to say no it still doesn’t matter but then you’re brain is like, “umm yeah, you’re sitting here for 30 minutes writing a post about it so it must matter” and then you’re like “shut-up brain” and then you find yourself with a handful of chocolates in your mouth, pouring a glass of wine and pressing play to The Notebook. 

It’s like coming to after being blacked out drunk.

What I’m doing on Valentines Day: working. I work on Saturday, from 8am-4pm. Then I’ll go home, eat, watch Gilmore Girls (because that’s what I’m into watching right now) because I don’t have to pay attention, it’s a nice sound playing in the background as I write. If I’m feeling extra hot and bothered I may study for the GRE and work on my personal statement.

I might masturbate too. I got a good masturbation option going on right now so that probably will happen at some point tomorrow. (You know what I’m talking about).

 

8th Grade Astronomy

8th grade, one of the most awkward snapshots of someone’s life. Mine was no different. I was a confused walking hormone. 

Trent

Getting along with guys is easy. Not that I don’t enjoy my gal pals. I love talking and drinking wine with my lady friends. God, I would die if I was the last woman on Earth, but with that being said I still have always gotten along with guys pretty darn well. This could be due to the fact I have a brother, that I’ve been riding motorcycles since I was 6, or maybe it’s because I have a very large family of uncles.


Also, I’ve been told numerous times I’m a big flirt. I have never really believed this or taken notice. But then again all those damn horoscopes say I am a rather large flirt. So, fuck it. I am.


In junior high, I met Trent, who would become one of my best friends.

Note: We no longer talk, but we have started trying to connect now. Just with a lot of failing due to life. Ha!

Trent was and still is an artist at heart. He had a hard family life, but you would have never known because he was always so sweet, giving and a good friend. He had dark black hair but had blond tips in junior high (the IN thing back then). Trent would later go through phrases. He was an “I’m finding myself” kind of person. So he went through, “I love nightmare before Christmas,” “I love Tim Burton,” “I love Johnny Depp!” And then came the black eyeliner, dark clothes, and theater desires. Though it never reflected his personality. He was a happy kid. He was a very good friend and I do miss his friendship from time to time.

We had 8th grade Science together. From what I remember 8th-grade science was a bit boring. Not really my subject. More math and chemistry. Trent and I always sat next to each other. One afternoon we happened to be video in

One afternoon we happened to be video in class “Our Mighty Solar System” back when Pluto was still a planet.

——-

I really don’t remember the reason for it, but I had been developing a crush on Trent sometime before this class. I guess he had been too.

——-

Trent and I were playing hangman and out of nowhere he wanted to say something. I did too, but neither of us could say it out loud. So…hangman. It was the most sweaty, heart pondering game of hangman I had ever played. Ending with, “I like you” and of course I wrote, “I like you” back.

And…nothing ever happened. We played hangman, told each other how we felt and walked out of the room never speaking of it again.

We were friends throughout high school and never spoke about it again.


Do I regret that Trent and I never dated? Ehh, yes, but no. It would never have lasted. We were in 8th grade! Young kids still trying to figure everything out. I’m 25 now and I’m still trying to figure it out. So no I don’t really regret it.

I do wonder though.

And I do miss my friendship with him.