Virgin BlowJob (Update)

I’ve been in a publishing slump, which I shouldn’t complain about because I normally get at least one acceptance letter a month from a journal. So why am I bitching when I don’t for two months? Because I can and January and February was kind of shitty anyways.

But this Monday I found out one of my poems got accepted into a badass anthology about women’s issue. An Anthology I was really hoping to get into. I mean I had busted my ass with the poem they accepted too. Rewrite, after rewrite and I had even gotten to the point of sending it to my old professor (a week before I found out) and he was like, “I don’t find anything to cut or pinch or snip. It’s funny and partly scandalous and damn good.”

The poem that was accepted is about my old ex/hook-up/whatever you want to label “Virgin BlowJob.” The poem carries images touching on memory, my emotions and the sense of place. But especially the emotions, the idea that “I wasn’t the one.” Because he that said to my face, “It’s not like we’re gonna get married or anything.” This was right before the blowjob I gave him.

This was the image that stuck the most with me from the hook-up. It wasn’t like I was hoping I end up with this guy at all during the hook-up, but we had gotten close, we had stayed up late talking a lot. I didn’t think marriage, but I thought I was more than a blowjob.

He made me realize two things:

  1. Just because you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you’re not a chauvinistic pig.
  2. Men really do think like that don’t they? They really think “well this is just a fuck.”

And you know the worst part is I think I was just a girl to fuck around with because I wasn’t a virgin and he couldn’t be in a real relationship with someone who slept around. (He was religious to a fault).

It’s funny though because last night an old friend was asking about him. Gosh, I hadn’t really thought about him since I posted about him on this blog and it’s been a year and a half since the corn field thing happened and a just about a year since I’ve spoken to him.

So, since it was getting close to 3AM and my mind needed a break from submissions I decided to take a peek at his Facebook profile.

He just recently (like last week) proposed to his girlfriend.

I never really have mentioned this before, but the moment he said to me, “not like we’re gonna get married” his Ex girlfriend popped in his head because I knew and felt that was who he wanted to marry.

I’m not sad or hurt. 

It’s more of just a “huh. Well, look at that.

My poem was pretty much on target, huh?”

The West Coast Douchebag

A friend, of a friend, of a friend, of a…blah blah blah we barely knew each other but he started chatting with me on Facebook. He was definitely hot! A bit too cheesy with his lines (for me personally)

We had planned on meeting when I got back for Winter Break. But once I was home, I didn’t really want to see him, just had this gut feeling, this red flag from him. And of course I would end up being right. Not only did he text me one night, “I want to be inside of you,” (along with a whole group of even more nasty messages that really belittled me) he also randomly a week later after the fucked up sexting messages sends: “You’re too difficult to hang out with, I’m seeing someone else now.” And after telling him off he then told me he was lying and just wanted to get a rise in me.

This all ends and blows up with us planning on going out to dinner and he cancels randomly saying he thought I didn’t want to have dinner anymore and he wanted to watch the Larkers game. And that was the end of that.

By far one of the biggest, most self-centered, assholes have spoken too and who basically would have just wanted to get into my pants and would have bailed afterwards or would have stuck around for a bit and treated me like shit.

This middle finger is for you Douchebag

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Questions & Answers

WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS?

Watching snow fall outside my favorite coffee shop as I write and drink green tea. Of course, my friends would be sitting next to me talking about books. Also, I would be wearing a comfy sweater, a pair of pants and cute brown boots. My hair well kept and not a lion’s mane.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR?

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

WHICH HISTORICAL FIGURE DO YOU MOST IDENTIFY WITH?

California native Joey Chestnut who devoured 40 1/2 slices of pizza in ten minutes.

WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST ADMIRE?

It’s hard to pick one living person to most admire, especially when I’ve only been alive for 25 years. I’m going to say the majority of my teachers throughout my educational experience, especially those in grade school and high school. I’m extremely lucky to happen upon such wonderful teachers. These Individuals encouraged my creativity, my imagination and my love for teaching.

WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN YOURSELF?

Over thinking previous conversations, especially those with attractive men. I tend to stew in the stupid conversations I create and fail at.

WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN OTHERS?

Self-righteous, overly critical, all around shitty listeners. Also, add objectification of someone’s body in the mix too.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE?

My book? I’m not sure I really have one. I’m a fairly cheap person and break things a lot. Like I cannot own a nice pair of sunglasses because I will break them within a month. I can’t have nice things.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE JOURNEY?

I’m not sure if I could pick one journey. I suppose as a whole, traveling as a child to the various National Parks. Also, more recently the few years I spent in the midwest. I miss my second home terribly and I’m well aware this second home has helped shaped my personality.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THE MOST OVERRATED VIRTUE?

Virginity

ON WHAT OCCASION DO YOU LIE?

When I have slept in too late and I receive a phone call and they ask, “where you sleeping?” No I was not (lie) Or when I don’t sleep at all and someone asks, “did you sleep?” Yes, of course, I did. (lie).

WHAT DO YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE?

My face tends to break out in random moments of my life. My face doesn’t realize I’m no longer a teenage. (I’m twenty-five face! Twenty-fucking-five)

WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST DESPISE?

Ugh Rush Limbaugh and any other man who think I’m a walking bimbo/baby making, pie cookin’ gal. Fuck you!

WHICH WORDS OR PHRASES DO YOU MOST OVERUSE?

“I’m hungry” “Come back to Jesus” or “It’s been a day.”

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST REGRET?

Not being single enough as a teenager and not letting relationships end sooner. I’ve spent too much time and energy dating shitty people. I let a lot of guys treat me like shit. I’ve wasted a lot of my time, money, and heart on guys I thought cared for me.

WHAT OR WHO IS THE GREATEST LOVE OF YOUR LIFE?

What: Tea, Netflix, Poetry, reading, Laffy-taffy, Mac, my cats, work

Who: I have none, I am single, sexless and hanging out with my cats

WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU HAPPIEST?

Ugh, I hate when these things ask in the past tense sense.

 My poetry workshops classes. I loved those classes to pieces and most of my week was spent waiting for those classes to roll around.

WHICH TALENT WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO HAVE?

Is flying a talent? But, I would love to know how many licks it would take to get to the center of the tootsie roll pop. I think that’s a prized talent.

WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT STATE OF MIND?

Stressed out, hungry and pondering my non-existent love life.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Learning to let go of stress and frustration.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR FAMILY, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Oh god, they’re all crazy, no one wish could fix that crazy.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?

Majoring in English. It’s a bit unreal if you ever knew me as a kid. I was always below my reading level, couldn’t spell for shit and never thought my writing would ever be of value. To have graduated and now to be teaching English is something my younger self would have never imagined.

IF YOU WERE TO DIE AND COME BACK AS A PERSON OR THING, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE?

Knowing my luck, a goat.

IF YOU COULD CHOOSE WHAT TO COME BACK AS, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

A butterfly!

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?

My stuff dog patches. He still lives in my bedroom at home. I’ve had him ever since I lost my stuffed elephant Buddy. Long story, but when I was very little I had a stuffed elephant named Buddy but somehow I lost him and I have this vague memory of my dad carrying me around Toys R Us to pick out a new little friend. That’s how I got patches.

WHAT DO YOU REGARD AS THE LOWEST DEPTH OF MISERY?

Having nothing to eat.

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE?

I would love to see the East Coast! I miss the snow, the leaves changing. I would love to try out another home with snow, colorful leaves and wonderful coffee houses.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OCCUPATION?

My old job teaching high school speech and debate. Gosh, those kids had the biggest hearts.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST MARKED CHARACTERISTIC?

My adorable clumsiness.

WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST LIKE IN A MAN?

Can cook and enjoys a good whiskey.

WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST LIKE IN A WOMAN?

Enjoys a good beer and can converse about more than hunky men and their diets.

WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN YOUR FRIENDS?

Trust.

WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE WRITERS?

Joan Didion, Margaret Atwood, Terry Galloway, Sharon Olds, Bob Hicok, Mary Shelly, Andrea Gibson, Jane Austin, Lucille Clifton, Truman Capote, Richard Matheson, Franz Kafka, Anne Rice, Gillian Flynn, Sherman Alexie, Simon Ortiz, Emily Dickinson, Roald Dahl, E.B White, Margery Williams, Jessica Valenti, Elizabeth Gilbert, Hilary Winston, Mike McGee, Anis Mojgani, George Watsky, Carrie Rudzinski, Sam Cook, Tony Hoagland, Amy Gerstler, Mary Szybist, Kim Addonizio, Stephen Dunn, J.R.R. Tolkien, Joy Harjo, Azra Tabassum, Keith Desserich, Derrick Brown, Staceyvann Chin, Suheir Hammad, Sonia Sanchez, Kenneth Arkind, Mayda del Valle, Bassey Ikpi, Carlos Andres Gomez.

WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE HERO OF FICTION?

Charlotte, from Charlotte’s Web 

WHO ARE YOUR HEROES IN REAL LIFE?

My teachers

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE NAMES?

Avery, Adam, Cameron, Colette, Linus, (Ok, Linus for a cat) haha…imagine a child named Linus. Nope. haha

WHAT IS IT THAT YOU MOST DISLIKE?

Feeling sticky. Yuck! And the sound of someone biting into a wet towel! Dear god! I hate even thinking about it!

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE?

Knowing I did everything I wanted in life and in my sleep would be nice.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

“Hold onto the rail going down stairs”

“You can wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first.”

“Eat whatever the fuck you want”