Mclovin’

Issac

I don’t even know what to say about this hookup. It was random, he was my good friends, friend and she knew he liked me. (when I mean liked me, I mean wanted to fuck me). He planned out how he was going to hit on me at a house party his roommates and him were throwing.

The best way to describe Issac is that he is the spanish version of McLovin’. Now I don’t mean in looks, actually Issac was pretty attractive, but he was short. As short as the ex that cheated on me. (When I mean short, I mean my height…I’m 5’2′).

So Issac was McLovin in the sense of height and flirtation level. Kind of lame and sad. But I was going through my (sure I’ll flip upside for you) phase. Issac was pretty recent during the whole Ben and Joel mess too.

This was a sweating, meh hookup. He wore briefs and I have never seen on a man and I figured because his international this was the way you go back there, so eh. I prefer boxers because they aren’t so close to my underwear (I don’t competition) and I like wearing boxers.

That’s about it, half way through my friend grabbed me and took me home. Oh! Also, I almost lost my driver’s licence in the alleyway and my friend walked back and forth with me but I found it! Ha!!

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Like What You See?

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My friend and I were Skyping today and she started to go on about when I was over at her place I rearranged all the mugs by color and size. So we started a list of weird shit you have to get use to if you want to spend time with me:

  1. My eating habits-This includes how much, how I eat and what I eat. Like for example I really like eating savory foods like chicken and pasta with cakes, cookies, and chocolates. I get food in my hair, on my clothes like its a part time job. I use to do this more, but I’ve grown up a bit, but I use to peel off the cheese on my pizza, wipe off some of the sauce and then put the cheese back on. I LOVE ranch dressing. I have a slight addiction on Coca-Cola. 
  2. I can never remember the difference between endearing and enduring and I always use them wrong.
  3. Shit I LOSE ALL the time- my car keys, my hair brush, my sandals, my make-up, my cell phone chargers, my headphones, my wallet in my room and my library card.
  4. One of the two things happens when I’m attracted to someone- I’m either really shy and quiet or I’m really anxieties and stressed out and try not to shake. This anxiety feeling also leads to being very fucking chatty.  
  5. I’m either messy or super clean freak. I like my bathroom super clean and my kitchen and living room. my room is a mess most the time and my car.
  6. I get anxiety-Grocery shopping, talking to strangers, ordering fast food inside and not through the drive-thru, when people are being rude to waiters, when people use derogatory language, trying to hit on a guy, dressing myself, being late, being too early,
  7. I’m a night owl.
  8. Low Key, beards are my fetish.
  9. I enjoy eating mustard by itself.
  10. I have an addiction to hand lotion.
  11. I cannot keep my nails looking nice. The nail polish always chips off easy and my nails are always breaking.
  12. I hate picking places to eat, what movie to watch, where to drink or any big decision. I get very stressed.
  13. I hate the sound of a wet rag. Ugh! Someone biting into it is killer gross.
  14. I HAVE to run my fan when I sleep.
  15. I cannot cook: It’s something I make sure men are aware of, because if they want a gal in their life that loves to cook, cool. Not me. I have no patience for food.
  16. I am the most unorganized person, unless its writing or speech.
  17. I like to re-watch movies over and over and over. One time during summer vacation my mom made me switch from Star Wars to Lord of the Rings, because she couldn’t take me watching it for the 15th time. Oh, she was keeping count.
  18. I can’t snap my finger like everyone else can. I snap using my pinky fingers and my ring fingers.
  19. I hate my birthday or holidays. Too many ex’s have broken up with me during the holidays.
  20. I don’t like the attention on me, unless I’m drunk and I slap the floor and drops it as low as the floor will allow. (Drunk me loves attention)
  21. I tell random stories
  22. I order at drive-thru in a weird way-I’ve been known to have a set conversation-A coke to drink (Always ending it with to drink) And ending the whole ordering process with (that will be all)
  23. I don’t when to stop talking and I spend a great deal of anxiety questioning if I should stop talking.
  24. I’m a bit a “craver” when it comes to food, Which means I crave certain things at random. I’ll eat a lot of it and then like movies I’ll get enough and move on to something else.I like to eat just a bowl of cheese.
  25. I like to eat just a bowl of cheese.

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Entering the DIgital Word, One Ball Gag at a Time

Two weeks ago I entered the “digital world” as my one friend puts it.

I finally have a smart phone.

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and not just any smartphone but the new IPhone 6 Plus. 

I didn’t just enter the digital world, but I smashed open the door and had sex with it on the dining room table. It’s been pretty nice too. I have really enjoyed my new smart phone.

But I noticed a week later that I struggled to get my phone’s camera to focus on far away images. Causing this terrible fuzzy/blurry look.

After returning home out West and a day of dealing with my customer service anxiety I went into Verizon. They barely look at the phone and tell me to make my way over to the Apple store at the local mall. Mind you, this mall has gotten a lot fancier over the years. Like when I was a kid it was just another mall, with a few select stores I wanted to visit. Now it has these wood floors, glass everywhere and the most high class Christmas decor. It’s a bit stressful for me in my cut up shirt, tight jeans, flip-flops, with messed up hair.

Still I make my way into the Apple Store. And after going through two employees, I make my way to the Genius table. Not super busy, so I get seen right away. Nice guy, but he seems to be high strung like me.

As he’s looking through my camera, he goes through pictures and various other things like and comes across a very well-focused image of a ball gag that was sent to me. He says,” oops, well you must be fun..” Then kind of nervously laughs and lets me know something is wrong with my camera on the phone and they will do a full replacement.

I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING! WHAT?! A BALL GAG!?

How did that picture get there??

Well, I was out of town last week like I said. Visiting friends and celebrating my little brother’s graduation. Long story short (Post to come later) I met up with a wonderful man (who had no clue I was attracted to him) I thought I was rather clear, but my clear is well….

But anyways I told him and we made out, it was great and umm how do I put this. This picture was sent to me by him. Kind of like a promo for a movie or like when Verizon puts out a promo like “Buy this phone and you could get this other phone for free.” So it was like, “Come spend time with me and you could see this.”

That’s the short version of how that picture got on my phone.

And how the guy named Chuck at the Apple Store saw this said picture.

Thank goodness I don’t embarrass easy and I thought this would be the end of the picture mishap. OOOOOHH I was so wrong.

SO I go into Apple today to trade in phone that’s not working well, with a brand new one. My mom comes with me because I say, yeah let’s hang out Mom! This guy who is helping set up my new phone (who my mother has deemed cute) he comes across the photo and is like oh and my mom sees it and says, “I thought Jennifer Lawerance nude photos would have taught you.” I want to facepalm, but I just laugh and the guy laughs. THEN MY MOTHER SAYS, “Whoever sent you that, well you should date him. He must be fun.” I say, “let us never speak of this again.”

Mind you that the Apple store must have been really into the Awesome Mix from The Guardians of the Galaxy because this song was playing over and over on the speakers during the whole situation. 

And I now have my new iPhone Plus, the Camera works and I can’t delete that damn photos. My damn iCloud won’t let me.

So here’s to probably more weird picture encounters at phone stores

And my mother trying to get me out of the house.

*Facepalm*

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