Taking Two Steps Back (Brad)


The closest we got was making out when I was half drunk and in his car. I’m glad that’s the farthest we ever went.

I really don’t have much to say about Brad and I almost thought why should I even mention him? I mean there’s probably five or so other guys I will never write about because they didn’t teach me any lessons, or remind me who I really am or what I don’t want. Brad did teach me in a weird way. Or more he reminded me what I didn’t want. Brad was two steps back from the direction I was going in my life.

He’s about two years younger than me.

I hope people don’t take that the wrong way. I know I continually mention the guys I’ve seen as younger and actually all of my serious relationships they were all at least two -three years younger than me. I rarely meet someone I like whose older.

But dating younger guys has taught me I can’t date someone younger than me. (No offense) but I’ve gone through plenty of guys to learn that younger doesn’t work for me anymore. Younger guys don’t have realistic goals, they are still trying to figure themselves out (I mean aren’t we all?) But at 22 it’s a different kind of figuring yourself out than 27 or older. 22 figuring self out: Should I go to that rave? What should I wear to the bar on Tuesday night? Should I take that drug? Should I work or sleep another three hours? Why can’t she like me?

So no younger guys for me, because there’s no stimulating conversation and before you get your feathers ruffled because you disagree…well maybe I am wrong. But all the guys I’ve dated who are younger than me don’t read. So in my case study I’ve concluded nothing good can come from dating younger guys.

And the sex tends to be one-sided.(More me, less me).

Back to Brad

He reminded me a bit of my ex who cheated on me. About the same height as him, same humor and the lack of caring for school. Just kind of going with the flow attitude. Brad had just gotten back from the army and was a young guy who was depressed. He tended to sit in his house and drink. Also, my friend Max was always trying to set Brad up with his friends. Brad was cute, but I don’t think he was something to write home about. His beard was always a bit messy. There’s nothing worse than a messy beard. I’ll never forget the time my friend Brianne (who almost dated him) said, “I saw Brad after the bars and he was walking and threw up and kept walking like it was nothing. There is something not right about someone who can just throw up without it affecting them. Even that drunk.”

I did kiss him one night after he dropped me off from the bars. That’s about it.

No, we didn’t have sex. A weird set of events lead to why we didn’t have sex. Around this time I had set into my emotional, trust and sex issues. Sex was the last thing I wanted to get back into. And he told Max I wasn’t the kind of girl you just sleep with. I guess he was going through a hook-up phase. I don’t know if this was a compliment from him or not.

I’m glad nothing happened between us. It would have never gone any farther than sex. And I’m sure the sex wouldn’t have been that wonderful. Because there was no heat or energy in the kissing. It wasn’t a bad kiss, but it wasn’t a great kiss.

He would have just been two steps back into my old self. I don’t mind my old self. I just don’t want to be her anymore. She was always in so much pain and slept with anyone to make the loneliness go away.

When you’re finally ready to heal, you take the band-aid off the gunshot wound, take out the bullet and stitch your skin back together and wait for it to heal.

Entering the DIgital Word, One Ball Gag at a Time

Two weeks ago I entered the “digital world” as my one friend puts it.

I finally have a smart phone.


and not just any smartphone but the new IPhone 6 Plus. 

I didn’t just enter the digital world, but I smashed open the door and had sex with it on the dining room table. It’s been pretty nice too. I have really enjoyed my new smart phone.

But I noticed a week later that I struggled to get my phone’s camera to focus on far away images. Causing this terrible fuzzy/blurry look.

After returning home out West and a day of dealing with my customer service anxiety I went into Verizon. They barely look at the phone and tell me to make my way over to the Apple store at the local mall. Mind you, this mall has gotten a lot fancier over the years. Like when I was a kid it was just another mall, with a few select stores I wanted to visit. Now it has these wood floors, glass everywhere and the most high class Christmas decor. It’s a bit stressful for me in my cut up shirt, tight jeans, flip-flops, with messed up hair.

Still I make my way into the Apple Store. And after going through two employees, I make my way to the Genius table. Not super busy, so I get seen right away. Nice guy, but he seems to be high strung like me.

As he’s looking through my camera, he goes through pictures and various other things like and comes across a very well-focused image of a ball gag that was sent to me. He says,” oops, well you must be fun..” Then kind of nervously laughs and lets me know something is wrong with my camera on the phone and they will do a full replacement.


How did that picture get there??

Well, I was out of town last week like I said. Visiting friends and celebrating my little brother’s graduation. Long story short (Post to come later) I met up with a wonderful man (who had no clue I was attracted to him) I thought I was rather clear, but my clear is well….

But anyways I told him and we made out, it was great and umm how do I put this. This picture was sent to me by him. Kind of like a promo for a movie or like when Verizon puts out a promo like “Buy this phone and you could get this other phone for free.” So it was like, “Come spend time with me and you could see this.”

That’s the short version of how that picture got on my phone.

And how the guy named Chuck at the Apple Store saw this said picture.

Thank goodness I don’t embarrass easy and I thought this would be the end of the picture mishap. OOOOOHH I was so wrong.

SO I go into Apple today to trade in phone that’s not working well, with a brand new one. My mom comes with me because I say, yeah let’s hang out Mom! This guy who is helping set up my new phone (who my mother has deemed cute) he comes across the photo and is like oh and my mom sees it and says, “I thought Jennifer Lawerance nude photos would have taught you.” I want to facepalm, but I just laugh and the guy laughs. THEN MY MOTHER SAYS, “Whoever sent you that, well you should date him. He must be fun.” I say, “let us never speak of this again.”

Mind you that the Apple store must have been really into the Awesome Mix from The Guardians of the Galaxy because this song was playing over and over on the speakers during the whole situation. 

And I now have my new iPhone Plus, the Camera works and I can’t delete that damn photos. My damn iCloud won’t let me.

So here’s to probably more weird picture encounters at phone stores

And my mother trying to get me out of the house.