The Dick

The Dick 

I went out with two of my friends one night and all three of us were horny and in a crazy ass mood: Recipe for crazy shit is about to happen. My friend Alexis saw this really hot guy down at the other end of the bar (mind you he had two other friends) and she noticed within 15 minutes they had moved all the way down to where we were sitting. So Alexis dragged me down to buy them drinks.

Fireball shots, ugh.

Then we meet a man named, HorseShoe. He was a townie and he had brain matter coming out of his skull (Halloween costume) it was the week after Halloween, but a good chunk of people were celebrating it that Saturday. Then Horseshoe told us and the three guys he has two belly buttons. And that’s how I met The Dick. (His blog name rhythms with his real name). And I don’t care if anyone figures out his real name.

He knew about my blog and we would joke that if he pissed me off I would call him The Dick. Actually the last time I ever saw him he turned around and said, “are you going to call me The Dick in your blog?”


We had a few drinks with them at the bar and they invited us over to ones of their houses to drink and play more games. We said, “hell yeah!” As we were driving my other friend Valerie made one rule “we all have to leave together. So no disappearing to have sex. I’m really only talking to you!” And see glared at me.

“Fine, no sex. I’ll make sure I come home with you guys.”

We went over to their friend Marvins house. Yeah, silly name but his real name was at the same silly level as Marvin. We had drinks, we played Cards against Humanity. Dick was charming, funny and a wonderful dresser. He knew how to wear clothes. This is a rare find. He was my age, just out of school and working for the government. He was very charming. (Though my bitchy friend (Max) said he had a “butter face” but looks only go so far for me, so I didn’t care what my friend said, he was charming and what I was looking for. He was very sweet and caring to me. He had wanted to major in journalism in school but ended up switching out to something else. And when mention to someone that you write, who also enjoys writing it becomes a big turn on. Don’t ask me why, but it’s become a pick-up line almost. Or when I was on tour for poetry I would get hit on so much.

At a certain point during the night, as Marvin’s his other friend had informed us he had this cool stuff to look at. Everyone went downstairs, but Dick and I and before I knew it I was on top of him making out. And very quickly had to act like we weren’t kissing because my friend Valerie ran up screaming because Marvin has this huge picture of the city we live. We saw it at an art show and were like, “OMG we want it!” But it’s too expensive. Marvin bought the fucking thing! We were shocked!


Within a week, The Dick and I were talking on the phone and planned to go out for drinks. Which never happened because he canceled last minute and within hours of canceling text me that he was “seeing someone.” When I (or most people) read “seeing someone” you take it that they must be dating around, playing the field, etc. I’ve used “seeing someone” in that very context. I told him I was fine with this and made it clear what I thought “seeing someone” means. He felt really bad for bailing on me so he took me out to a really nice dinner, coffee and we watched movies at my place afterward.

He was really wonderful when we spent time together those few weeks. Our humor bounced off each other well, he was a smart guy and we had really great chemistry.


On Black Out Wednesday, my friends and I went out to a local bar that starts with a J. Locals tend to gather here (he was a local) which lead to this bar or this particular night. A bunch of my friends were out with us as well. I met a bunch of his friends that night as well.

I was standing near with my friend Valerie enjoying my drink and chatting. Next I heard a buddy of his said, “where’s your girlfriend dude?”

I should have put the pieces together. Connected the dots when he stayed over at my place and then would stop over at his friends house. Should have listened closer when he said, “seeing someone.”

**You would think after being cheated on twice I would see the red flags more quickly.

He came over to my house that night and we had a very long talk. Yes, he had a girlfriend. Yes, he understands “seeing someone” is misleading. Yes, he really liked spending time with me and thought I was amazing.

Yes, he’s done this before. In college, he had made out with two other girls but with me was the farthest he’d taken things with something (I mean we were practically dating). Yes, he almost thought about breaking it off with her and yes a part of me wanted him to.

But I made this a lot easier, I told him we couldn’t even be friends anymore. And that he should tell her what happened because you can’t keep lies like that to someone you love and lies like those have a way of getting out in the end. He started crying because he said he loved her and didn’t mean for this, he didn’t want to tell her. He said he wasn’t going to go out anymore.

I’m sure he apologized for all this, but I don’t remember that. I do remember being very honest with him. Which is something I’ve lacked in past dating experiences, so I was very blunt with him that he hurt me and he’s hurting someone else and I’ve been on the other side of cheating and it’s even worse. And that if he loves her he should tell her the truth. I told him I never wanted to see him again because I liked him too much and couldn’t torture myself like that.

He left his jacket in my room and called me 10 minutes after he had just left my house. I put the jacket on the porch and before he made it up to my porch I went back to my room and cried. I slept most of the day.

Later that day (after some very quick googling) I found his wedding registry. 2016 or 2015 was when they planned to get married. It makes me wonder if anything he said to me was true. Or exactly what was true.

I avoided this bar ( the J bar was always at when I was seeing him) for months and another part of me wanted to show up at the bar. To see if he really hadn’t gone out anymore. Also, to walk around looking good. A reminder that I’m worth something more. (I never saw him there).


This past December I went back to that bar, a year later and he wasn’t there. I haven’t seen since that morning he left my house.

I don’t think I was that upset it didn’t work out between us. I think I cried more about the fact that he went back to her because he loved her. It made me think about my Ex when he cheated on me. He didn’t come back to me, he fell in love and started a new relationship without even telling me.  He didn’t come back to me and he left me before I knew I was left.

“I did not know him, I knew my idea
of him.” ― Sharon Olds



I don’t even know what to say about this hookup. It was random, he was my good friends, friend and she knew he liked me. (when I mean liked me, I mean wanted to fuck me). He planned out how he was going to hit on me at a house party his roommates and him were throwing.

The best way to describe Issac is that he is the spanish version of McLovin’. Now I don’t mean in looks, actually Issac was pretty attractive, but he was short. As short as the ex that cheated on me. (When I mean short, I mean my height…I’m 5’2′).

So Issac was McLovin in the sense of height and flirtation level. Kind of lame and sad. But I was going through my (sure I’ll flip upside for you) phase. Issac was pretty recent during the whole Ben and Joel mess too.

This was a sweating, meh hookup. He wore briefs and I have never seen on a man and I figured because his international this was the way you go back there, so eh. I prefer boxers because they aren’t so close to my underwear (I don’t competition) and I like wearing boxers.

That’s about it, half way through my friend grabbed me and took me home. Oh! Also, I almost lost my driver’s licence in the alleyway and my friend walked back and forth with me but I found it! Ha!!



I felt pretty today.

Last night I actually remember one of my dreams very vividly. Now I will say I’ve had A LOT of…umm getting tied up sex dreams this sex <—-this is a fucking typo I caught before I posted this, but I left it because it’s a fine example of a Freudian slip. I meant to say, “this week!”

So, I’ve had A LOT of sex dreams this week and they are getting much kinkier by the minute. I’m sure if I was hot soup in a microwave I would have exploded by now.

But this last dream last night was weird:

The dream from what I remembered started when I was driving. I was leaving Virginia and somehow leaving Virginia leads right to South Dakota. Half of the time I was nervous about driving, like I  was going to crash, but I didn’t. Then I saw I was coming up onto Crazy Horse monument. (Mind you I’ve been to South Dakota and seen each of these places in person.) Next I made my way up to Mount Rushmore and a rest stop that reminded me more of a rest stop near Zion. As I was driving into the rest stop and I saw wolves on the side of the road howling and running. One of the wolves was looking at me right in the eyes. Next thing I know I’m at the rest stop with two dogs walking around and then I woke up.

I know the dream doesn’t sound so exciting, but it was rather beautiful during the whole dream and I felt different from how I feel in most of my dreams. I felt peaceful. Most of the time my dreams consist of: I’m scared, getting attack or I’m crying.

Or, sex. Lots of sex in my dreams these days. FML

Top 10 Songs I’m obsessed listening to

  1. Leave Me Here by Hem
  2. When The Spring Comes by The Divide
  3. Hold Back The River by James Bay
  4. Celeste by Ezra Vine
  5. Still by Daughter
  6. Pretty Hurts by Beyoncé
  7. Got It by Marian Hill
  8. OctaHate by Ryn Weaver
  9. Budapest by George Ezra
  10. All I Want by Kodaline

January has started out pretty well. I finally got most of my classes lined up I’m teaching, which is a relief. I’m going to start a yoga class with my best friend (I wanna be flexible again dammit) And I think I’m going to start working out again.

Tonight I got to see my high school Alumni and it was wonderful. I really missed hanging out with my old coach/boss. He’s a really great person and I wouldn’t have gone to college if not for him. It was such a breath of fresh air to network with such caring people. I miss them all so much. I’m so lucky I was apart of such an awesome program.

After my late lunch with the Alumni I had dinner with my brother, my best friend and her fiance. It was so nice to sit with someone who knows me that well. We’ve been friends since 3rd grade. I was sitting in the car trying to explain something and my best friend looks at her fiance (who kind of knows me but not super well yet) and she says, “she’s going to try to use an analogy here…and it won’t make any sense, so don’t try to figure it out.” So refreshing to be around true friends. They know exactly how to make fun of you and you know exactly how to make fun of them.

I feel really good. This year has a good energy so far. I know I will be sad, angry and stressed (already have a bit) and nothing will ever be perfect but I’m going to enjoy this little slice of heaven right now.

A creative mess is better than an idle tidiness

– A toilet stall door in Vancouver’s Arts Club Theatre (Michael J. Fox)