Music for the Month of March

Top 10 For the Month of March

  1. Bottom Of The River by Delta Rae
  2. FourFiveSeconds by Rihanna, Kanye and Paul McCartney
  3. Alone by Trampled by Turtles
  4. Opening by Phillip Glass
  5. Only Love Can Hurt Like This by Paloma Faith
  6. Le Onde by Ludovico Einaudi
  7. Forces of Attraction by Johann Johannsson
  8. O Magnum Mysterium by Morten Lauridsen
  9. We Will All Be Changed by Seryn
  10. Gold Dust by Galentis

I probably get at least four hours of sleep a night now. I can say that I’m out of my writing funk and I think it has to do with my lack of sleep, slowly leaving my job (the one where with my shitty boss) and spending more time with friends. And ok, I’ve been myself off much more this month too…

It’s not like January and February were a complete shit show. I did work my ass off editing a few poems and two of those poems just got accepted. It was another reminder to myself that working through the shitty months pay off. No matter my mood, my attitude I always find the time to write and edit. It’s important to me and I love working on my craft. Actually, I’m a none stop thinker about my writing and I tend to be that kind of personality: A none stop worker when I find something I really love. I was like that in speech and debate and now that’s crossed over into my poetry. Constantly thinking, talking and working.

My best friend is on the night shift, which means I now have a new late night hanging out buddy! Late night movie theater shows, the local coffee house that’s open until 3AM and lots of Netflix. We are also compiling a list of things to do late at night. Which involve, night swimming, open mics, crazy bars, improve shows, etc.

Plus I’m working on my Personal Statement and my friend has taken up cross-stitching, as we talk about are ever impending doom: her likelihood of getting Alzheimer’s and the fact I’m losing my eyesight. We spend numerous nights plotting out a mutual friendship were I’m the memory and she’ll be the eyes someday. Kind of like in the wild with that fish and crab.

I will say I’m my best self on only a few hours of sleep. I do take a few naps from time to time to add a few hours here and there. But one day I only had three hours of sleep and I wrote out a full draft of my personal statement. FINALLY! It only took the lack of sleep to finally pump that draft out. Still needs tweaks before I ask for help because I would like to keep the embarrassment level to a minimum.

But now, it’s time to go sleep for a little bit.

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Confessions Between Ladies

I went out for dinner and drinks Wednesday night with my best friend. A much-needed catch-up time since she’s been busy dealing buying a townhouse with her finace and I’ve been a crying, messy poetry hermit.

I’m not sure how we ended up on the subject (perhaps the maragtrias) but we ended up talking about all the things women do, but we never really admit to. It just so happens that hours after hanging out I saw a list of things women do but don’t talk about.

Now I somewhat agree to this list and I think depending on one’s own pet peeves and personal preferences some of these are either, “oh, yeah, I do that all the time” or “omg, gross no…I have limits.” For example, the article had, “turning underwear inside out because you ran out of clean ones.” No, have you been a woman? That fabric is all up in there, turning it inside out will do nothing for you. I say, “no clean underwear? Well, the perfect reason to go commando.

A list of things my friend and I admit to doing:

  1. Wearing the a pair of jeans three times before you wash them. (If they don’t smell, why wash them?)
  2. Febreze-ing or spraying perfume on your jeans (Just in case they smell a little…you never know)
  3. Spilling salsa or guacamole on your shirt and removing it with a tortilla chip (this is me…all the time.)
  4. A bowl of cheese or a stick of cheese. My friend and I did this all the time in the Midwest. I even bought a separte brick of cheese, that was only for me. I called it, “my snack cheese.”
  5. The boob hold. I am the queen of the boob hold that one time I accidently start just holding my boob in front of my guy friend (outside my shirt, of course). But holding your boob is wonderful. It’s great for reading or pondering life in bed.
  6. Not washing bras enough. (I mean have you ever had to?) It sucks.
  7. Yes, Missy Elliot is the music for dancing in your underwear.
  8. No, girls don’t have pillow fights, but I have been apart of a few spin the bottle games.
  9. My friend went to a bachelorette party and saw someone’s underwear gift was little mermaid underwear, so she went out and bought some and she says they are the most comfortable underwear. Actually she was wearing them during our talk.
  10. The quick and silent poop in public. This is a gift I’m sure all women are born with.
  11. Pants day? Long Sleeve day? Probably mean we didn’t shave.
  12. I don’t know if anyone else does this, but since I’m single and not having sex, underwear selection isn’t a big deal. But I know when it’s time to do laundry because I’m stuck wearing all my nice lacy underwear. The last few days have been a blur of lacy reds, purple tied together with lacy ribbons and lacy black thongs. I need to do my laundry.
  13. I do have “period underwear” a select group of underwear that are on their way out of my life but before I throw them away they are go to when I’m bleeding out of my orifice.
  14. One of my old roommates came up to me before we moved out and said the greatest lesson she learned from me was the art of cleaning one’s room before a man came over. She said she’ll always remember what I told her, “hide your pillow pet, because what you’re about to do, no pillow pet should see.”
  15. Women tell each other everything about the guys they’ve been with. Of course depending on the level of friendship certain things may be left out. But believe me, if I have a close friend, they know the good kissers from the sloppy kisser I’ve experienced. They know the embarrassing stories and the bad sex.

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Little messages from the Universe

My life lately has felt like a bad metaphor: A roller coaster of emotion.

I’ve cried or almost cried at least twice a week. I think the crying has continued because I haven’t really gotten to fully cry. I tend to breath it all back in like I’m trying to break the world record for holding one’s breath underwater the longest. I’m not sure if I’ve been winning or losing this, but everything was picking up. After my last post, I felt lighter like the weights were lifted off my back. I felt pretty damn good.

Today was really a test of my good mood keeping skills. Late last night the mouse pad on my Mac just went kaput. After numerous restarts, hardware tests and lighting incense my mouse pad still won’t work. But it’s ok, not like I use my computer almost every minute of every day…

Thank goodness I found my wireless mouse.

Then right before work my poor car started freaking out. The last few weeks my light has been going on and off inside and today my car alarm would go on and off. So I had to borrow my brother’s car, which is fully loaded with Batman gear. From batman bumper sticker, batman floor mats and batman lanyard. I love my red mustang and I hate to see the poor thing all upset like that. It’s doing fine now, but I hope my poor car doesn’t keep acting up.

Also, it’s one of those weeks where I hate most of my poetry. It’s fine, I’m ignoring it, I know it will past and it’s only a weird mood. But it did become the cherry on top as I was driving in my brothers car to work this afternoon. Listening to his Flogging Molly music really wasn’t the kind of music to calm down a woman at her wits end and about to cry.

After two songs worth of my brothers music, I could no longer take it and I pressed the FM button and right in the middle of Paul McCartney’s “BlackBird.” I love The Beatles, I love the song “Blackbird” to pieces and I love the images of wings, flight and I’m actually right in the middle of a big submission involving wings and flight right now. So this song was a real gut hitter. I happened to be right in the middle of the downtown area of where I live and I looked over to my left (like any good driver going through an intersection during peak traffic hours) and I noticed this new shop called, “Stitches & Feathers.”

I’m not sure if I believe in messages from the universe, or everything is just coincidence. Maybe in this moment I did believe it was a message from the universe because I smiled quick at the moment, like when you’re about to kiss someone you care for or like how you smile right before you fall asleep in someone’s arms. I want to believe it was a message to feel better and “we’ll take care of you.” Because it did make me smile and it did get me through my day. I want to believe when I’m feeling at my loneliest there’s something out there watching out for me.

 

 

20 Songs You should Never have Sex to

I always see people posting blogs or playlists on Spotify of their “Top Songs to have Sex to.” So I made a list of songs I saw on other people’s yes lists.

Never should these be songs be played during sexual intercourse. 

  1. Do My Dance by Tyga ok, the start of the song…ha!
  2. Trumpets by Jason Derulo. Dear Jason Derulo, Yes it’s weird. Brass instruments in the bedroom don’t sound sexy. It’s not an image I want before you go down on me. And really starting the music video with you watching another music video of yours? unnamed
  3. Woo Woo Swag by Lil B Lets count how many times you can say bitch and swag. Such an awful song. I don’t know why anyone would want to do anything to this song. 
  4. Too Close by Next  No.
  5. Doin’ it Right by Draft Punk Maybe if you’re a robot 
  6. Birthday Sex by Jeremih I’m not sure Jeremih said a full sentence the whole song
  7. Cockiness by Rihanna “Bad feels so good?” That’s the best you could come up with??
  8. Lollipop by Li Wayne
  9. Flightless Bird by Iron and Wine <—An awkward Almost Famous sex song. 
  10. Girls by Pitbull The start of this song…bahahaha
  11. Adore You by Miley Cyrus
  12. Birthday Cake by Rihanna. I really love the comments below, like we needed the innuendos explained: Screen shot 2015-01-13 at 1.14.58 AM
  13. Trading Places by Usher Ok, all that detailed talk is just making me exhausted. “When you do it like me?” bahaha Oh, so when she do it like a man? And you’re the woman, because you’ll make the breakfast? 
  14. I invented Sex by Trey <–that’s cocky Trey
    1. I really hate songs where its like girl you gonna do this and girl you gonna do that, girl you gonna take me here. Really? you ran out of ways to pleasure her and her pleasure you in the first person??
  15. Closer by Nine Inch Nails
  16. What’s My Name by Rihanna <—Don’t worry Rihanna I’ve hooked up with guys who didn’t know my name too. And Drake, “What we can get done is 20 minutes?Oh yeah, time me more how long it will take…that gets all the ladies turned on. The punctual cummin’
  17. Sail by Awolnation OK! Why does everyone put this on their sex list playlist? No! I just think of this cat video when I hear this song. (One of the best cat videos of all time) 
  18. Like a Surgeon by Ciara I’m not sure what to say
  19. I Want Your Sex by George Michael There were a lot of life choices happening here. “Don’t need no Bible, just look in my eyes” bahaha. 
  20. The Zoo by R. Kelly:
    1. “Girl, I got you so wet
      It’s like a rain forest
      Like Jurassic Park
      Except I’m your sex-a-saurus baby
      You and me hopping
      Like two kangaroos
      Rattling and moaning
      Out here in these woods”

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January

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I felt pretty today.

Last night I actually remember one of my dreams very vividly. Now I will say I’ve had A LOT of…umm getting tied up sex dreams this sex <—-this is a fucking typo I caught before I posted this, but I left it because it’s a fine example of a Freudian slip. I meant to say, “this week!”

So, I’ve had A LOT of sex dreams this week and they are getting much kinkier by the minute. I’m sure if I was hot soup in a microwave I would have exploded by now.

But this last dream last night was weird:

The dream from what I remembered started when I was driving. I was leaving Virginia and somehow leaving Virginia leads right to South Dakota. Half of the time I was nervous about driving, like I  was going to crash, but I didn’t. Then I saw I was coming up onto Crazy Horse monument. (Mind you I’ve been to South Dakota and seen each of these places in person.) Next I made my way up to Mount Rushmore and a rest stop that reminded me more of a rest stop near Zion. As I was driving into the rest stop and I saw wolves on the side of the road howling and running. One of the wolves was looking at me right in the eyes. Next thing I know I’m at the rest stop with two dogs walking around and then I woke up.

I know the dream doesn’t sound so exciting, but it was rather beautiful during the whole dream and I felt different from how I feel in most of my dreams. I felt peaceful. Most of the time my dreams consist of: I’m scared, getting attack or I’m crying.

Or, sex. Lots of sex in my dreams these days. FML

Top 10 Songs I’m obsessed listening to

  1. Leave Me Here by Hem
  2. When The Spring Comes by The Divide
  3. Hold Back The River by James Bay
  4. Celeste by Ezra Vine
  5. Still by Daughter
  6. Pretty Hurts by Beyoncé
  7. Got It by Marian Hill
  8. OctaHate by Ryn Weaver
  9. Budapest by George Ezra
  10. All I Want by Kodaline

January has started out pretty well. I finally got most of my classes lined up I’m teaching, which is a relief. I’m going to start a yoga class with my best friend (I wanna be flexible again dammit) And I think I’m going to start working out again.

Tonight I got to see my high school Alumni and it was wonderful. I really missed hanging out with my old coach/boss. He’s a really great person and I wouldn’t have gone to college if not for him. It was such a breath of fresh air to network with such caring people. I miss them all so much. I’m so lucky I was apart of such an awesome program.

After my late lunch with the Alumni I had dinner with my brother, my best friend and her fiance. It was so nice to sit with someone who knows me that well. We’ve been friends since 3rd grade. I was sitting in the car trying to explain something and my best friend looks at her fiance (who kind of knows me but not super well yet) and she says, “she’s going to try to use an analogy here…and it won’t make any sense, so don’t try to figure it out.” So refreshing to be around true friends. They know exactly how to make fun of you and you know exactly how to make fun of them.

I feel really good. This year has a good energy so far. I know I will be sad, angry and stressed (already have a bit) and nothing will ever be perfect but I’m going to enjoy this little slice of heaven right now.

A creative mess is better than an idle tidiness

– A toilet stall door in Vancouver’s Arts Club Theatre (Michael J. Fox)

December

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My life in December

Top six new songs I’m obsessed with:

  1. Youth by Daughters
  2. Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars (Bruno Mars always looks like one of my Ex’s…full of himself like my Ex too)
  3. Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede (Always enjoy this song)
  4. Dance Apocalyptic by Janelle Monae
  5. I Want You Like a Seatbelt by Chadwick Stokes
  6. United States of Pop 2014 by DJ Earworm (mashup)–I always enjoy these I think simply because in speech I use to put together different poems and stories into one program. So I think these just get my speech high off. (Not masturbating to this FYI)

Three of my poems came out this month! That was nice. January I have another poem coming out too. One of the poems that came out this month was a very big national publishing company. As big as you can get if you’re a slam poet. All my favorite slam poets are in the book alongside my poem. That’s pretty fucking badass. I haven’t told many people about it because I was worried the longest time they would change their mind and not want my poem anymore. (Anxiety). But it came out and it’s badass. I didn’t have this publishing company on my goals list because I hadn’t even gotten to that point to consider them. If you’re a slam poet, this is the publishing company you want to get into and it’s cool to say I my little piece in.

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Those Visual Poems (Working on a few still)

I went to visit one of my best friends last weekend and she got me into this TV show: Black Mirrors. I’m enjoying it much more than I thought I would. Oh AND MY FINALLY CAUGHT UP ON THE WALKING DEAD! THANK GOODNESS!

This book was fucking amazing: Aim For the Head. A wonderful anthology full of zombie poetry. Fucking badass! I have been searching for months now for good poetry about zombies and this book takes the cake for the best zombie poetry.

I finally had a cake pop. OMG, WHERE HAVE I BEEN! My new favorite thing! These coconut ones I tried were fucking awesome. I’m almost ok with the fact that I haven’t had sex…

BUT I still I haven’t had sex in a year…FML

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Strings on a guitar, strings through my fingers

One of my favorite not very well known singers (Found her via a film, via Spotify)

Abbie Folken (Candles by Daughter-Cover)

Things I haven’t had time for:

  1. Sex
  2. Dating
  3. Working on my writing
  4. Studying for the GRE
  5. Sleep
  6. Spending time with friends
  7. Drinking (God, I need wine)

Things I’m doing to solve these problems:

  1. Sex (Nothing) This one is not going to happen for awhile. Ugh Save me! Save me Sex Gods!
  2. ^Same
  3. Working on my writing ( I have made sure I stop by the local coffee house and write out new stuff each week. It’s just hard when you don’t have anyone to edit your stuff.
  4. Studying for the GRE. Yep, getting more time in. Just forcing myself. Also, I was planning on applying to MFA this year but I decided with work I was going to give myself another year, so more study time!
  5. Sleep (Nope)
  6. Spending time with friends (Getting better at this)
  7. Next week i shall have some wine!

There is so much this blog doesn’t know about me! It’s exciting and a bit exhausting to put myself out there again. To write about the mess that is my life. All the fun stories and the people that have come and gone in my life. Especially since I moved back to my home state this summer. A lot has happened.

Will this all make sense one day?

I hope so.