For six years now I’ve been dealing with bad dreams, some so bad they’re more nightmares than just a bad dream. I’ve noticed if someone is sleeping next to me I don’t get any bad dreams. This person sleeping next to me ranges from guys who were practically living with me to my roommates walking into my room, wrapped in a blanket telling me they had a bad day and want a sleeping buddy.

Most of my creepy dreams range from people dying, funerals and creepy creature after people.

The worst of my dreams is the reoccurring image of a shadow figured. The first time I remember seeing this shadow figure I was driving my car and I realized someone was in the back seat and the shadowed figure pulled a knife on me and I woke up.  The shadow figure has shown up in numerous dreams, from solely after me, to shooting down other people.

Last night the shadow figure came back. I was taking picture on my camera and then out of nowhere it was next to me and tried to pull me away. Then I woke up breathing heavy and a bit freaked out.

Luckily, I got back to sleep pretty fast. I was these electric candles so I turned one of those on a timer. A bit of light always helps. Sometimes, when the dream is really bad I have to turn on all my lights, sit up and read a book for a few hours. I also have a dream catcher I hang above my bed, it’s definitely a placebo that’s lost much of sparkle.

My dreams are so vivid and I can remember them so well I sometimes end up looking them up: Dream Dictionary I’m a firm believer that dreams are the subconscious trying to figure stuff out, but of course I’m not sure about these nightmares. Ugh.

Hoping for better dreams tonight!

Branching out

I woke up around 4am today from a terrible dream. Actually I woke up crying so it was really more like a nightmare than just a bad dream.

I was in this dark building and my Ex who cheated  and Marcus Ex was there and I couldn’t move and I realized I was strapped down, like some Frankenstein movie straps shit. And they were torturing me and telling my no one is going to love me or ever want to be with me.

Then I woke up and I was crying.

It was a really terrible night.

So I didn’t get much sleep but in the morning, I decided to do some reading. I just checked out two new books, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time and rereading Flowers for Algernon because the last time I read it I was in 5th grade and I’m teaching to my students. It’s a really wonderful little books and it’s one of the few books I remember really enjoying at that age. I have the book sitting on my desk and I’m on hold with my pharmacy trying to refill my prescription and I decided to flip through the book and I stumble upon this little dried up purple flower. I’m a bit shocked to this. Then I realize the page its on. It really made my day after my nightmare.


It was like a nice little “keep some hope” message.

I had drinks with my friends last night. It was really nice. I actually did a few shots, which I haven’t done for months. So it was a bit of a half drunk night too. But my best friend and I were talking about her wedding. I always enjoy these conversations, there is always some funny story to hear or one of the other bridesmaids acting a fool. It’s interesting to watch my best friend too, because I don’t know I thought she would be living the kind of life I’m living and I would have her life. So it’s weird to see everything flipped.

*I always thought I would be the one getting married first (I did everything else before my friends) I also thought I would have the 9-5 job. But here we are living completely different lives than we planned.

But I asked my best friend if she ever thought of waxing and she got all excited and mentioned how she wanted to wax her legs and armpits before her wedding!

This is exciting news for me because I’ve been thinking for months now about waxing. Probably my legs and I’m really interested in getting a Brazilian (not a full bare ass wax. I have a nice little strip or something) . My one friend raves about how great it feels and I’m really tempted to try it out. maybe it will be the extra little push I need to get off the wall and back into the bedroom. My friend also wants to go underwear shopping, exciting. So here’s my little push back into kinky me. I miss kinky me. She was fun and had cool stories.


Adult like things I’m getting the hang of:

  1. Making myself lunch for work
  2. Putting all my clothes away right after the dryer
  3. Making myself breakfast
  4. Getting to bed no later than 10pm, waking up at 7am to do some writing before work.
  5. Taking my birth control on time (I could always do this when i was having loads of sex but after a year of no sex I’ve been lacking)
  6. Coming up with creative ideas for teaching
  7. Studying every day for the GRE
  8. Working on my Statment of purpose every week
  9. Getting my hair to look nice for work
  10. Working out every week and going hiking



Bad Dreams

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a bad dream, but last night I woke up around 3am from a terrible dream and I had to turn on my lights to fall back asleep.

I don’t remember much of the dream, thank goodness. But I remember there was someone shooting people. Everyone was trying to get away, but most didn’t get away. There was this one part I really visually remember: there was a car accident during the whole shooting. one car on top of another car. The car on top crushed the person driving in the other car and all, I remember, is pieces of brain all over the asphalt and I remember not wanting to look at the persons crushed body. I think I knew the person in the car too, my friends little sister.

It was a freaky dream.

Dreams like that shake me for the rest of the night and into the morning.