Little messages from the Universe

My life lately has felt like a bad metaphor: A roller coaster of emotion.

I’ve cried or almost cried at least twice a week. I think the crying has continued because I haven’t really gotten to fully cry. I tend to breath it all back in like I’m trying to break the world record for holding one’s breath underwater the longest. I’m not sure if I’ve been winning or losing this, but everything was picking up. After my last post, I felt lighter like the weights were lifted off my back. I felt pretty damn good.

Today was really a test of my good mood keeping skills. Late last night the mouse pad on my Mac just went kaput. After numerous restarts, hardware tests and lighting incense my mouse pad still won’t work. But it’s ok, not like I use my computer almost every minute of every day…

Thank goodness I found my wireless mouse.

Then right before work my poor car started freaking out. The last few weeks my light has been going on and off inside and today my car alarm would go on and off. So I had to borrow my brother’s car, which is fully loaded with Batman gear. From batman bumper sticker, batman floor mats and batman lanyard. I love my red mustang and I hate to see the poor thing all upset like that. It’s doing fine now, but I hope my poor car doesn’t keep acting up.

Also, it’s one of those weeks where I hate most of my poetry. It’s fine, I’m ignoring it, I know it will past and it’s only a weird mood. But it did become the cherry on top as I was driving in my brothers car to work this afternoon. Listening to his Flogging Molly music really wasn’t the kind of music to calm down a woman at her wits end and about to cry.

After two songs worth of my brothers music, I could no longer take it and I pressed the FM button and right in the middle of Paul McCartney’s “BlackBird.” I love The Beatles, I love the song “Blackbird” to pieces and I love the images of wings, flight and I’m actually right in the middle of a big submission involving wings and flight right now. So this song was a real gut hitter. I happened to be right in the middle of the downtown area of where I live and I looked over to my left (like any good driver going through an intersection during peak traffic hours) and I noticed this new shop called, “Stitches & Feathers.”

I’m not sure if I believe in messages from the universe, or everything is just coincidence. Maybe in this moment I did believe it was a message from the universe because I smiled quick at the moment, like when you’re about to kiss someone you care for or like how you smile right before you fall asleep in someone’s arms. I want to believe it was a message to feel better and “we’ll take care of you.” Because it did make me smile and it did get me through my day. I want to believe when I’m feeling at my loneliest there’s something out there watching out for me.



20 Songs You should Never have Sex to

I always see people posting blogs or playlists on Spotify of their “Top Songs to have Sex to.” So I made a list of songs I saw on other people’s yes lists.

Never should these be songs be played during sexual intercourse. 

  1. Do My Dance by Tyga ok, the start of the song…ha!
  2. Trumpets by Jason Derulo. Dear Jason Derulo, Yes it’s weird. Brass instruments in the bedroom don’t sound sexy. It’s not an image I want before you go down on me. And really starting the music video with you watching another music video of yours? unnamed
  3. Woo Woo Swag by Lil B Lets count how many times you can say bitch and swag. Such an awful song. I don’t know why anyone would want to do anything to this song. 
  4. Too Close by Next  No.
  5. Doin’ it Right by Draft Punk Maybe if you’re a robot 
  6. Birthday Sex by Jeremih I’m not sure Jeremih said a full sentence the whole song
  7. Cockiness by Rihanna “Bad feels so good?” That’s the best you could come up with??
  8. Lollipop by Li Wayne
  9. Flightless Bird by Iron and Wine <—An awkward Almost Famous sex song. 
  10. Girls by Pitbull The start of this song…bahahaha
  11. Adore You by Miley Cyrus
  12. Birthday Cake by Rihanna. I really love the comments below, like we needed the innuendos explained: Screen shot 2015-01-13 at 1.14.58 AM
  13. Trading Places by Usher Ok, all that detailed talk is just making me exhausted. “When you do it like me?” bahaha Oh, so when she do it like a man? And you’re the woman, because you’ll make the breakfast? 
  14. I invented Sex by Trey <–that’s cocky Trey
    1. I really hate songs where its like girl you gonna do this and girl you gonna do that, girl you gonna take me here. Really? you ran out of ways to pleasure her and her pleasure you in the first person??
  15. Closer by Nine Inch Nails
  16. What’s My Name by Rihanna <—Don’t worry Rihanna I’ve hooked up with guys who didn’t know my name too. And Drake, “What we can get done is 20 minutes?Oh yeah, time me more how long it will take…that gets all the ladies turned on. The punctual cummin’
  17. Sail by Awolnation OK! Why does everyone put this on their sex list playlist? No! I just think of this cat video when I hear this song. (One of the best cat videos of all time) 
  18. Like a Surgeon by Ciara I’m not sure what to say
  19. I Want Your Sex by George Michael There were a lot of life choices happening here. “Don’t need no Bible, just look in my eyes” bahaha. 
  20. The Zoo by R. Kelly:
    1. “Girl, I got you so wet
      It’s like a rain forest
      Like Jurassic Park
      Except I’m your sex-a-saurus baby
      You and me hopping
      Like two kangaroos
      Rattling and moaning
      Out here in these woods”



I felt pretty today.

Last night I actually remember one of my dreams very vividly. Now I will say I’ve had A LOT of…umm getting tied up sex dreams this sex <—-this is a fucking typo I caught before I posted this, but I left it because it’s a fine example of a Freudian slip. I meant to say, “this week!”

So, I’ve had A LOT of sex dreams this week and they are getting much kinkier by the minute. I’m sure if I was hot soup in a microwave I would have exploded by now.

But this last dream last night was weird:

The dream from what I remembered started when I was driving. I was leaving Virginia and somehow leaving Virginia leads right to South Dakota. Half of the time I was nervous about driving, like I  was going to crash, but I didn’t. Then I saw I was coming up onto Crazy Horse monument. (Mind you I’ve been to South Dakota and seen each of these places in person.) Next I made my way up to Mount Rushmore and a rest stop that reminded me more of a rest stop near Zion. As I was driving into the rest stop and I saw wolves on the side of the road howling and running. One of the wolves was looking at me right in the eyes. Next thing I know I’m at the rest stop with two dogs walking around and then I woke up.

I know the dream doesn’t sound so exciting, but it was rather beautiful during the whole dream and I felt different from how I feel in most of my dreams. I felt peaceful. Most of the time my dreams consist of: I’m scared, getting attack or I’m crying.

Or, sex. Lots of sex in my dreams these days. FML

Top 10 Songs I’m obsessed listening to

  1. Leave Me Here by Hem
  2. When The Spring Comes by The Divide
  3. Hold Back The River by James Bay
  4. Celeste by Ezra Vine
  5. Still by Daughter
  6. Pretty Hurts by Beyoncé
  7. Got It by Marian Hill
  8. OctaHate by Ryn Weaver
  9. Budapest by George Ezra
  10. All I Want by Kodaline

January has started out pretty well. I finally got most of my classes lined up I’m teaching, which is a relief. I’m going to start a yoga class with my best friend (I wanna be flexible again dammit) And I think I’m going to start working out again.

Tonight I got to see my high school Alumni and it was wonderful. I really missed hanging out with my old coach/boss. He’s a really great person and I wouldn’t have gone to college if not for him. It was such a breath of fresh air to network with such caring people. I miss them all so much. I’m so lucky I was apart of such an awesome program.

After my late lunch with the Alumni I had dinner with my brother, my best friend and her fiance. It was so nice to sit with someone who knows me that well. We’ve been friends since 3rd grade. I was sitting in the car trying to explain something and my best friend looks at her fiance (who kind of knows me but not super well yet) and she says, “she’s going to try to use an analogy here…and it won’t make any sense, so don’t try to figure it out.” So refreshing to be around true friends. They know exactly how to make fun of you and you know exactly how to make fun of them.

I feel really good. This year has a good energy so far. I know I will be sad, angry and stressed (already have a bit) and nothing will ever be perfect but I’m going to enjoy this little slice of heaven right now.

A creative mess is better than an idle tidiness

– A toilet stall door in Vancouver’s Arts Club Theatre (Michael J. Fox)