My life lately has felt like a bad metaphor: A roller coaster of emotion.
I’ve cried or almost cried at least twice a week. I think the crying has continued because I haven’t really gotten to fully cry. I tend to breath it all back in like I’m trying to break the world record for holding one’s breath underwater the longest. I’m not sure if I’ve been winning or losing this, but everything was picking up. After my last post, I felt lighter like the weights were lifted off my back. I felt pretty damn good.
Today was really a test of my good mood keeping skills. Late last night the mouse pad on my Mac just went kaput. After numerous restarts, hardware tests and lighting incense my mouse pad still won’t work. But it’s ok, not like I use my computer almost every minute of every day…
Thank goodness I found my wireless mouse.
Then right before work my poor car started freaking out. The last few weeks my light has been going on and off inside and today my car alarm would go on and off. So I had to borrow my brother’s car, which is fully loaded with Batman gear. From batman bumper sticker, batman floor mats and batman lanyard. I love my red mustang and I hate to see the poor thing all upset like that. It’s doing fine now, but I hope my poor car doesn’t keep acting up.
Also, it’s one of those weeks where I hate most of my poetry. It’s fine, I’m ignoring it, I know it will past and it’s only a weird mood. But it did become the cherry on top as I was driving in my brothers car to work this afternoon. Listening to his Flogging Molly music really wasn’t the kind of music to calm down a woman at her wits end and about to cry.
After two songs worth of my brothers music, I could no longer take it and I pressed the FM button and right in the middle of Paul McCartney’s “BlackBird.” I love The Beatles, I love the song “Blackbird” to pieces and I love the images of wings, flight and I’m actually right in the middle of a big submission involving wings and flight right now. So this song was a real gut hitter. I happened to be right in the middle of the downtown area of where I live and I looked over to my left (like any good driver going through an intersection during peak traffic hours) and I noticed this new shop called, “Stitches & Feathers.”
I’m not sure if I believe in messages from the universe, or everything is just coincidence. Maybe in this moment I did believe it was a message from the universe because I smiled quick at the moment, like when you’re about to kiss someone you care for or like how you smile right before you fall asleep in someone’s arms. I want to believe it was a message to feel better and “we’ll take care of you.” Because it did make me smile and it did get me through my day. I want to believe when I’m feeling at my loneliest there’s something out there watching out for me.