Life Choices at Midnight

I have these rare moments at Midnight where I’m hungry, but nothing sounds appetizing. I stand and stare into the fridge, trying to deduce what will satisfy my body.

I decided to go with a roast beef sandwich. I made one late last night and I thought, can’t wrong with roast beef two nights in a row.

Now I’m not an amazing cook. I rarely cook and I have no patience or natural instincts for cooking. But I cook. I can make you a mean french toast, various forms of eggs and egg in toast, sandwiches, and a few assortments of desserts.

Last night’s roast beef sandwich went very well, so well in fact that was the main choices for attempt number two.

Problem: I left in the middle of toasting my beard. Trying to multitask cooking and watching John Mulaney’s New In Town was a bad idea. Definitely burnt my toast. During toast attempt number two I was scared for a brief moment when I thought we were out of roast beef. I definitely had a cartoon “oh noo!” moment, but think petite redhead in a cartoon saying no or something adorable.

Don’t worry, because the roast beef was hiding under the ham.

I made the sandwich (not as good as last nights) the stem of the avocado ended up in the sandwich somehow. Then I went back into my room to watch reruns of The Walking Dead.

30 minutes into my late night sandwich eating and Netflix watching my brother comes home and walks into my room to ask me why he found my glasses in the fridge.

“huh…I didn’t notice.”

“Sister! How is that possible?! You can’t see without them!”

“Well, all the zombies on The Walking Dead look at same blurry or not.”

The moment you realize maybe it’s time for bed because you’re that exhausted.

Glasses back on I decided to eat a cookie. But I couldn’t open the box and I had to ask my brother to open the box, which prompted more “Sister! you’re a mess!”

Ate the cookie and watched Mike Birbiglia, My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend. Yes, I am moving back and forth between shows on Netflix.

Weird Habit #77

I’m probably a pretty normal person. I can’t keep regular sleeping hours, I enjoy food and TV show indulgences and I can’t name each of the state capitals but I can name all the restaurants and fast food places within 25 miles of where I’m at. So I’m fairly normal I think, I hope.

But I have my own unique set of traits and quirks. One of them was in full force last night until 3AM.

I’ve been in a crappy ass mood the last few weeks and I know I’ve been the most negative person ever. I’m still stressed and I’ll always be stressed. It’s my survival strategy, or my way to get my lazy ass off the floor and to stop eating the brownie batter.

Since I have tomorrow off I rented three movies from the video store last night. Yes, the video store. my parents have been going to the same little video store since I was a little kid. The little video store always makes me smile because its such a small town thing, to have a video store still.

I watched the film The Theory of Everything. Pretty film, the images were very pretty, the continuing theme of circles, moving inward, outward and the movement of backwards to meet at a point. I enjoyed the small detail when Stephen Hawking (Eddie Redmayne) watches the others move their fingers, pictures himself picking up the pen. It’s an accurate image to portray and a different way to show being trapped.



Then after the movie came weird habit #77. It took ahold of me like an OCD patient in a filing disaster zone. I cleaned my room. But I didn’t just clean my room because I dust and clean every other week or so. This was pulling stuff out my closet, my filing drawers and I re-organized everything. Movie ended at midnight and I stayed up cleaning and organizing until 3AM. Then I got myself off, imagined how nice it would be to have a ball gag (because I’m loud and I have to hold it in).

And then I fell asleep.


Like What You See?


My friend and I were Skyping today and she started to go on about when I was over at her place I rearranged all the mugs by color and size. So we started a list of weird shit you have to get use to if you want to spend time with me:

  1. My eating habits-This includes how much, how I eat and what I eat. Like for example I really like eating savory foods like chicken and pasta with cakes, cookies, and chocolates. I get food in my hair, on my clothes like its a part time job. I use to do this more, but I’ve grown up a bit, but I use to peel off the cheese on my pizza, wipe off some of the sauce and then put the cheese back on. I LOVE ranch dressing. I have a slight addiction on Coca-Cola. 
  2. I can never remember the difference between endearing and enduring and I always use them wrong.
  3. Shit I LOSE ALL the time- my car keys, my hair brush, my sandals, my make-up, my cell phone chargers, my headphones, my wallet in my room and my library card.
  4. One of the two things happens when I’m attracted to someone- I’m either really shy and quiet or I’m really anxieties and stressed out and try not to shake. This anxiety feeling also leads to being very fucking chatty.  
  5. I’m either messy or super clean freak. I like my bathroom super clean and my kitchen and living room. my room is a mess most the time and my car.
  6. I get anxiety-Grocery shopping, talking to strangers, ordering fast food inside and not through the drive-thru, when people are being rude to waiters, when people use derogatory language, trying to hit on a guy, dressing myself, being late, being too early,
  7. I’m a night owl.
  8. Low Key, beards are my fetish.
  9. I enjoy eating mustard by itself.
  10. I have an addiction to hand lotion.
  11. I cannot keep my nails looking nice. The nail polish always chips off easy and my nails are always breaking.
  12. I hate picking places to eat, what movie to watch, where to drink or any big decision. I get very stressed.
  13. I hate the sound of a wet rag. Ugh! Someone biting into it is killer gross.
  14. I HAVE to run my fan when I sleep.
  15. I cannot cook: It’s something I make sure men are aware of, because if they want a gal in their life that loves to cook, cool. Not me. I have no patience for food.
  16. I am the most unorganized person, unless its writing or speech.
  17. I like to re-watch movies over and over and over. One time during summer vacation my mom made me switch from Star Wars to Lord of the Rings, because she couldn’t take me watching it for the 15th time. Oh, she was keeping count.
  18. I can’t snap my finger like everyone else can. I snap using my pinky fingers and my ring fingers.
  19. I hate my birthday or holidays. Too many ex’s have broken up with me during the holidays.
  20. I don’t like the attention on me, unless I’m drunk and I slap the floor and drops it as low as the floor will allow. (Drunk me loves attention)
  21. I tell random stories
  22. I order at drive-thru in a weird way-I’ve been known to have a set conversation-A coke to drink (Always ending it with to drink) And ending the whole ordering process with (that will be all)
  23. I don’t when to stop talking and I spend a great deal of anxiety questioning if I should stop talking.
  24. I’m a bit a “craver” when it comes to food, Which means I crave certain things at random. I’ll eat a lot of it and then like movies I’ll get enough and move on to something else.I like to eat just a bowl of cheese.
  25. I like to eat just a bowl of cheese.




My life in December

Top six new songs I’m obsessed with:

  1. Youth by Daughters
  2. Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars (Bruno Mars always looks like one of my Ex’s…full of himself like my Ex too)
  3. Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede (Always enjoy this song)
  4. Dance Apocalyptic by Janelle Monae
  5. I Want You Like a Seatbelt by Chadwick Stokes
  6. United States of Pop 2014 by DJ Earworm (mashup)–I always enjoy these I think simply because in speech I use to put together different poems and stories into one program. So I think these just get my speech high off. (Not masturbating to this FYI)

Three of my poems came out this month! That was nice. January I have another poem coming out too. One of the poems that came out this month was a very big national publishing company. As big as you can get if you’re a slam poet. All my favorite slam poets are in the book alongside my poem. That’s pretty fucking badass. I haven’t told many people about it because I was worried the longest time they would change their mind and not want my poem anymore. (Anxiety). But it came out and it’s badass. I didn’t have this publishing company on my goals list because I hadn’t even gotten to that point to consider them. If you’re a slam poet, this is the publishing company you want to get into and it’s cool to say I my little piece in.

Screen shot 2014-12-17 at 4.09.10 AM
Those Visual Poems (Working on a few still)

I went to visit one of my best friends last weekend and she got me into this TV show: Black Mirrors. I’m enjoying it much more than I thought I would. Oh AND MY FINALLY CAUGHT UP ON THE WALKING DEAD! THANK GOODNESS!

This book was fucking amazing: Aim For the Head. A wonderful anthology full of zombie poetry. Fucking badass! I have been searching for months now for good poetry about zombies and this book takes the cake for the best zombie poetry.

I finally had a cake pop. OMG, WHERE HAVE I BEEN! My new favorite thing! These coconut ones I tried were fucking awesome. I’m almost ok with the fact that I haven’t had sex…

BUT I still I haven’t had sex in a year…FML