Mclovin’

Issac

I don’t even know what to say about this hookup. It was random, he was my good friends, friend and she knew he liked me. (when I mean liked me, I mean wanted to fuck me). He planned out how he was going to hit on me at a house party his roommates and him were throwing.

The best way to describe Issac is that he is the spanish version of McLovin’. Now I don’t mean in looks, actually Issac was pretty attractive, but he was short. As short as the ex that cheated on me. (When I mean short, I mean my height…I’m 5’2′).

So Issac was McLovin in the sense of height and flirtation level. Kind of lame and sad. But I was going through my (sure I’ll flip upside for you) phase. Issac was pretty recent during the whole Ben and Joel mess too.

This was a sweating, meh hookup. He wore briefs and I have never seen on a man and I figured because his international this was the way you go back there, so eh. I prefer boxers because they aren’t so close to my underwear (I don’t competition) and I like wearing boxers.

That’s about it, half way through my friend grabbed me and took me home. Oh! Also, I almost lost my driver’s licence in the alleyway and my friend walked back and forth with me but I found it! Ha!!

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Easter Sunday Sex (He has Risen! Wait, give it a minute! Ok, now we’re good!)

Joel

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A month after Chance stopped talking to me I was still pretty bummed out. Seeing Chance with this new girl, who he hooked-up this over spring break didn’t help matters. It was Easter weekend and all my roommates went home to visit. But I didn’t go home (far away). Same with Tina and my other friend. We decided to go out drinking. I decided to Facebook my roommates friend Joel. I kind of knew Joel. I wasn’t ever planning on hooking up with him. I just knew he wasn’t going to visit home until the morning on Easter Sunday. He was working so he had to stay until the day of, so I thought it would be nice to see if he wanted drinks.


Background Story:

For those that haven’t figured it out yet, I’m a BIG OLD FLIRT! I’m very comfortable talking about sex and I enjoy talking about sex.

During a late birthday party downtown, I got really drunk. We were dancing at a bar and then next thing my friend Tina knew I was gone. I guess I walked to the bar next door to chat with my roommates who I knew were drinking there. Joel and two other guys were there and I was being chatty with them. Tina found me talking with them all, about all the kinky stuff I liked, tying me up, anal, handcuffs, the list goes on and on. You name it, I said it.

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Then Tina came over and found me. Then Tina and I made out and then we said “see you guys later” and walked away.

Tina wasn’t as drunk and she remembers after we made out and walked away she had never seen so many guys just sit in amazement with their mouths open. I remember Tina saying, “It was like a cartoon.”

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Another night: I was upset about Chance and I was playing a drinking game at my house (roommates had a party) I had to remove a piece of clothing. So I took off my white undershirt. I was wearing a white lace top and you could see my bra. This other guy (who I would hook-up with was like, “I can see your bra.” Oh, that guy….ugh Mess!

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1AM (Easter Sunday) 

It’s all a blur how Joel and I ended up hooking up.

I think I was texting him.

OH! I remember I was in my room with Tina and I was crying (a little drunk) over Chance. I was still very upset. Tina had left at this point and I had unlocked the back door. Joel came up to my room and we had sex. Well, it was a bit of a struggle. There was a lot of drinking that night and well you know where I’m going and ejection issues. But we finally had sex. It was anything magical.

But Joel was sweet. We laid together for a bit. Then he had to leave because he needed to get ready for the long drive home for Easter Sunday. I remember he kissed me, covered me with blankets and was sweet.

The next day I would find a bite mark on the back of my leg and I knew God was trying to tell me, “Really? Sex on Easter? You have all the other days”. Well, Maybe Christmas would be weird too.


There would be a series of issues to why we never ended up dating. Though we both wanted to. The timing was never right.

  • I got nervous and slept with his friend (post to come) this bugged him (some stupid bro code)
  • He was still hung up on my roommate (he had a crush on her for years, she had been stringing him on for years)
  • He was struggling in school
  • I was struggling in trusting someone

We almost had everything worked out  and we had planned on trying to date. But then it just all fell apart. I was really disappointed. I remember that night I was crying in the shower and I just kind of collapsed with the water still on. I was losing all hope and still dealing with a lot of past pain. I would hook-up with my Fuck Buddy that night. That was the night I ended up in the wrong bed.

The boyfriend I forgot I had in High School (oops)

I was trying to go in order of when i dated all these hot messes but oops, I forgot about this guy I dated in high school.

Alan 

We dated for a more than four months and we mutable broke up. Of course, I was still a little upset, because I’m just an emotion I’m never going to find someone kind of date person, but really I was so glad to see this relationship over. I was starting to become a kinky person. I already had gotten into the swing of things, but Alan really threw me off the path. He was a junior when I was a senior and he had never had sex.

We didn’t have sex either, just everything else. This is dating situation was definitely me dealing with my bad break-up with John. Alan was a bad idea rebound guy. He was younger, restless and we had bad chemistry.

He also was about my height (I’m 5 ‘2’) and was thinner than me.Let’s remember I weighed about 100 pounds in high school. I was a cross country runner. I also wore size double zero pants too

I think he still is that thin too from what I’ve heard.

He was also a twin and his twin brother was way cooler than him too.

It was such a boring, blah high school relationship I really have no memories of him, but this one time I gave him a blowjob in his parent’s living room when no one was home. On a striped couch with reds, golden yellows and white mixed in and his facial expressions, the taste of him, his moans did not turn me on at all.

That’s about it.

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A List of Pretentious Qualites I’m Looking for in a Man

A List of Pretentious Qualities I’m Looking for in a Man that I’ll probably change in another year because no list about qualities in dating could ever stick around forever. 

  1. Has an intelligent sense of humor
  2. Has a passion for something: Sports, writing, books, food, I don’t care! Just as long as they love it to pieces.
  3. Talking is easy. Conversations flow and I feel like I can tell them anything. Not only about my day but the sad moments and if I’m having a hard time. There are no secrets or fake smiles.
  4. Can keep an open dialogue with me. I hate guessing games
  5. Loves hiking. I love national parks and I want to see more.
  6. Passionate in the bedroom.
  7. Spontaneous.
  8. Can give me a little push out the door. Sometimes I get stuck in my head and I don’t want to take a risk.
  9. Likes to read
  10. Will work on my poems with me.
  11. I want the middle of the line drinker. Someone who enjoys a drink here and there. But isn’t the college boy drinker: the beer pong player, I got wasted Wednesday drinker.
  12. Will watch my silly Tv shows with me. This is only Friends and The Walking Dead. Especially The Walking Dead.
  13. Caring, sweet, charming. Everything I’ve been missing out on the last six years. Everything I’m sure every woman is looking for.
  14. Rubs my back
  15. When I’m stress will just hug me and say “shh, you’re fine, everything will be fine.”
  16. Has my back and supports me.
  17. Likes to cook
  18. Enjoys whiskey, wine, good beer.
  19. Will bring me a cup of coffee or tea
  20. Likes to go out, but also would love to just curl up at home, watch a movie, read books next to each other, work on projects next to each other.
  21. Oh, hair. I love hair. Beards, curly thick hair. Gosh makes me hot just thinking about it.
  22. Is nice to me. Treats me like a human being.
  23. Just sit with and listen to music.
  24. Is crazy about me and lets me know.

Ok, this list is turning into “stuff I miss from relationships.”

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The Most Awkward Guy

Jacob 

This was lesson #1 that just because someone is 30 doesn’t mean they’re more put together than the 21-year-olds I’ve had sex with.

He was an”in between” guy I only saw for about a week until I realized this is a mess.

I met Jacob through my friend/roommate at the time. We still say hi in passing if we run into each other when I’m visiting town. We don’t chat or anything really. not like we talked that much when we were messing around.

Sweet guy, but just off for some reason. I really can’t put my finger on it.

He was a nice guy, don’t get me wrong but there was something uncomfortable about being naked in front of him. I’ve never really felt dirty in front of a guy, never really felt like a live action porn clip. I can name like three other guys that made me feel like this and Jacob is one of them.

Something in the pace of his breathing, the way his hands rubbed me and he was a terrible kisser too. Sloppy and no control. I don’t know how to put this, but I felt like a piece of meat and he was really hungry.

I never enjoyed being close with him, craving to lay down and let him hold me. I remember on Halloween I stayed for a bit and we were about to have sex but he didn’t have a condom and I was like, “What? You knew I was coming over to the party tonight.”

We were talking about how many people we’ve has sex with, you know just a basic sex chat. At the time, I think I had been with five or six guys. (That number is ummm…well it grew fast) Jacob claimed to have had sex with over 30 people. HA! I was like no fucking way! He can barely carry on a conversation, how did that happen. Then I thought, “well I’m here naked so I should shut up.”

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So that was Jacob. Not exciting and really awkward.

Brian

Brian

As my previous post involving Marcus, Brian was very much a quick side step that I really hate talking about, or thinking about. I have spent a good portion of the last four years trying to forget about him.

Brian was a drug dealer, who had recently left prison.

I know.

I really know how to pick a winner huh?

Brian smoked too much, had terrible tattoos of poorly drawn out women’s breasts and had a lisp due to his ugly tongue piercing.

Like I said, I had a night in question with him and Marcus and I’m going to leave it at that. But about a month afterwards I was pretty broken up over Marcus (ugh stupid me!) I think I wanted to make Marcus jealous. Yeah, have sex with Brian…good idea. NOT!

So we had sex, it was bad. He was probably the small penis I have ever seen and he just smelled of alcohol and cigarettes.

I think he may have liked me a bit. Or at least liked the idea of me being a regular sex buddy. He continued to want to hang our. Go to clubs with him, go out to eat. I really had to do some major blocking to get away from him. Really wanted to block him from my memory.

Few years later I heard he got married. Huh.

Huh.

So that was Brian, the drug dealer.

Strings on a guitar, strings through my fingers

One of my favorite not very well known singers (Found her via a film, via Spotify)

Abbie Folken (Candles by Daughter-Cover)

Things I haven’t had time for:

  1. Sex
  2. Dating
  3. Working on my writing
  4. Studying for the GRE
  5. Sleep
  6. Spending time with friends
  7. Drinking (God, I need wine)

Things I’m doing to solve these problems:

  1. Sex (Nothing) This one is not going to happen for awhile. Ugh Save me! Save me Sex Gods!
  2. ^Same
  3. Working on my writing ( I have made sure I stop by the local coffee house and write out new stuff each week. It’s just hard when you don’t have anyone to edit your stuff.
  4. Studying for the GRE. Yep, getting more time in. Just forcing myself. Also, I was planning on applying to MFA this year but I decided with work I was going to give myself another year, so more study time!
  5. Sleep (Nope)
  6. Spending time with friends (Getting better at this)
  7. Next week i shall have some wine!

There is so much this blog doesn’t know about me! It’s exciting and a bit exhausting to put myself out there again. To write about the mess that is my life. All the fun stories and the people that have come and gone in my life. Especially since I moved back to my home state this summer. A lot has happened.

Will this all make sense one day?

I hope so.