Life Choices at Midnight

I have these rare moments at Midnight where I’m hungry, but nothing sounds appetizing. I stand and stare into the fridge, trying to deduce what will satisfy my body.

I decided to go with a roast beef sandwich. I made one late last night and I thought, can’t wrong with roast beef two nights in a row.

Now I’m not an amazing cook. I rarely cook and I have no patience or natural instincts for cooking. But I cook. I can make you a mean french toast, various forms of eggs and egg in toast, sandwiches, and a few assortments of desserts.

Last night’s roast beef sandwich went very well, so well in fact that was the main choices for attempt number two.

Problem: I left in the middle of toasting my beard. Trying to multitask cooking and watching John Mulaney’s New In Town was a bad idea. Definitely burnt my toast. During toast attempt number two I was scared for a brief moment when I thought we were out of roast beef. I definitely had a cartoon “oh noo!” moment, but think petite redhead in a cartoon saying no or something adorable.

Don’t worry, because the roast beef was hiding under the ham.

I made the sandwich (not as good as last nights) the stem of the avocado ended up in the sandwich somehow. Then I went back into my room to watch reruns of The Walking Dead.

30 minutes into my late night sandwich eating and Netflix watching my brother comes home and walks into my room to ask me why he found my glasses in the fridge.

“huh…I didn’t notice.”

“Sister! How is that possible?! You can’t see without them!”

“Well, all the zombies on The Walking Dead look at same blurry or not.”

The moment you realize maybe it’s time for bed because you’re that exhausted.

Glasses back on I decided to eat a cookie. But I couldn’t open the box and I had to ask my brother to open the box, which prompted more “Sister! you’re a mess!”

Ate the cookie and watched Mike Birbiglia, My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend. Yes, I am moving back and forth between shows on Netflix.

December

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My life in December

Top six new songs I’m obsessed with:

  1. Youth by Daughters
  2. Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars (Bruno Mars always looks like one of my Ex’s…full of himself like my Ex too)
  3. Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede (Always enjoy this song)
  4. Dance Apocalyptic by Janelle Monae
  5. I Want You Like a Seatbelt by Chadwick Stokes
  6. United States of Pop 2014 by DJ Earworm (mashup)–I always enjoy these I think simply because in speech I use to put together different poems and stories into one program. So I think these just get my speech high off. (Not masturbating to this FYI)

Three of my poems came out this month! That was nice. January I have another poem coming out too. One of the poems that came out this month was a very big national publishing company. As big as you can get if you’re a slam poet. All my favorite slam poets are in the book alongside my poem. That’s pretty fucking badass. I haven’t told many people about it because I was worried the longest time they would change their mind and not want my poem anymore. (Anxiety). But it came out and it’s badass. I didn’t have this publishing company on my goals list because I hadn’t even gotten to that point to consider them. If you’re a slam poet, this is the publishing company you want to get into and it’s cool to say I my little piece in.

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Those Visual Poems (Working on a few still)

I went to visit one of my best friends last weekend and she got me into this TV show: Black Mirrors. I’m enjoying it much more than I thought I would. Oh AND MY FINALLY CAUGHT UP ON THE WALKING DEAD! THANK GOODNESS!

This book was fucking amazing: Aim For the Head. A wonderful anthology full of zombie poetry. Fucking badass! I have been searching for months now for good poetry about zombies and this book takes the cake for the best zombie poetry.

I finally had a cake pop. OMG, WHERE HAVE I BEEN! My new favorite thing! These coconut ones I tried were fucking awesome. I’m almost ok with the fact that I haven’t had sex…

BUT I still I haven’t had sex in a year…FML

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20 things that suck because you HAVE to wear glasses

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This week one of my contact lenses ripped again and I’m out of state for vacation, so I only have my glasses (Damn). So as I was in the shower trying to shave I thought about all the things that suck to do when you wear glasses.

20 things that suck because you HAVE to wear glasses:

  1. The rain 
  2. Getting drunk (Have you ever seen a person with glasses super wasted)? 
  3. Trying to find your glasses in the morning or after the shower. (I swear I put them on that table) 
  4. Can’t look at yourself naked (Everything is fuzzy from the waist down…
  5. Straightening  or curling your hair
  6. Kissing someone who also wears glasses.
  7. Getting headaches from your frames being too tight
  8. Frames being too lose, so you continue to push them up onto your face. 
  9. Having to shower blind (How can I enjoy my naked body)?
  10. Trying to shave
  11. Going to the beach
  12. When you don’t own a pair prescription sunglasses and it’s sunny out as you’re driving. 
  13. Trying to take a sweatshirt is a task. it hurts your face and your glasses most likely will fall off. So the added task of having to take your glasses off you just take of sweatshirt is terrible. 
  14. Putting on make-up 
  15. Trying to wrap a towel around your wet hair, with your glasses on. 
  16. When you get fingerprints of over the lenses you just cleaned off
  17. When you’re trying to watch a movie laying down.
  18. Having sex (It’s like trying to drive a stick shift blind)
  19. When you see people wear fake glasses, because “it’s a style.” FUCK THEM!!
  20. When you realize NO ONE on The Walking Dead has glasses. (Who do you think is going to go first? Yep, those of us that need glasses to tell the zombies from the humans apart)